Hello and welcome to my first attempt at a blog,
Let me introduce myself my name is Jenny and I'm a 63 year old transwoman, CD, TV or whatever the term is these days. I've been 'dressing' since I was about 9 or 10 it's been so long now it's actually irrelevant. My journey has been very much the same as other girls, a little bit of sexual excitement at the thought of dressing, the inevitable release and then the guilt, the questions "Why do I do this? Why me? Why am I such a freak? The frequent purges, then the slow reacquisition of items such as delicate lace items like bra's and panties the thrill of new hosiery and shapewear.
Corsetry has always held a fascination for me, mainly I think because they were the first items of womenswear I ever wore, mums corselette and panty girdles I had the opportunity to wear some of my sisters clothes as well, she is almost two years younger than me but I have always been on the short side and her clothes fit. My crossdressing was awakened in the 1970's so there were a lot of Maxi skirts and coffee coloured tights.
I continued on into adulthood and eventually marriage to the one true love of my life, still though I kept my crossdressing a secret, my wife completely unaware that she had married a crossdresser, our love life was never what you may have called spectacular or adventurous but nevertheless two children came along in time. Still though although I wanted to I could never bring myself to tell about the 'other' me. That unfortunately came to a unexpected end, when I returned home one night from work to discover that my wife had been looking for some documents and had found some of my clothes.
She asked if I was having an affair, but was completely taken by surprise when I finally told her that I was a Crossdresser. She didn't react at all she just told me that she needed to think about what I had told her. There was a few days of uneasy quiet, then one evening after the kids were in bed she sat me down and asked me questions. The first one was of course do you want to be a woman? I held back and told her No, even though many times over the years I have wished that I had been born one. I told her all about my dressing and how it had started, she said that she had no interest in seeing me dressed ever. There were a few times after that when we had intercourse but along came illnesses which would leave her in constant pain for the rest of her life, and from which came early retirement.
Throughout all Jenny was never mentioned or allowed to make an appearance and though she was still with me in thought only, never once was allowed to make an appearance. We became best friends rather than lovers, platonic and though I loved her deeply and still do never again had intercourse. So we settled into that quiet thoughtfulness that people who grow old together have. Then came the day when I went to wake her and couldn't, she had died in her sleep. Mercifully no longer in pain but no longer with us. I think about her every day, but as the old saying goes "Life goes on."
So Jenny has been rebooted, now a widow she has emerged back into the world (although still firmly in the closet) she is on various forums and is actively engaging with the trans community. Jenny matured she now knows what she wants. Firstly she would like to become the woman she should always have been. It's a little late in the day for SRS but real breasts would be nice. She is overweight but has been dieting for a while now and the pounds are coming off.
The first step is to request an appointment with my GP and have the first of what will undoubtedly be uncomfortable conversation. My dysphoria has never been so bad that I have contemplated hurting myself, so am worried that I won't be referred to the gender identity clinic. But I've never been comfortable in male company and have always preferred the company of women.
So now onwards, this blog is intended to detail my journey into either transition or convincing 63 year old convincing CD.
I hope you'll travel the road with me.
Jenny
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